Sex, Indonesia, and Mail-Order Brides

The Websphere was buzzing last week with comments (see aangirfan for one take) about the global survey (29 countries, 27,500 people aged 40-80) on sexual satisfaction by University of Chicago researchers. The survey showed, among other things, that Westerners get more enjoyment out of sex than do residents of Asia. A gender gap exists as well: men across the board show a 10 point difference when rating their sexual satisfaction. Age also apparently had little impact on the feeling of sexual well-being. A comment by the lead researcher suggested that in male-dominated cultures (Indonesia being considered one - this fellow has obviously never met my wife or her friends), sexual satisfaction for women is not considered important, and thus Asian women are less satisfied than their Western counterparts. One of the reasons listed for the low ratings from Indonesia was the lack of foreplay: women just aren't having relations long enough to get satisfied.

Indonesia ranked 27th out of the 29 countries surveyed. 33.9% of the folks said that they were satisfied with their sex life. This is compared to Austria, the first ranked country, where 71% of the respondents reported satisfaction with their sex lives.

In a somewhat related story in the Chicago Tribune, Cheryl Lavin, a relationship advice columnist, ran a letter from an American woman whose brother is involved in a mail relationship with an Indonesian woman. The brother is getting ready to travel to Indonesia for the first time, and his sister wanted to know what she should do about it.

I found the reply quite interesting in the way that it perceived Indonesia, and as a subtext, Indonesian women. Ms. Lavin writes:

“Considering the differences in age, religion, nationality, race, culture and education -- and the fact that she lives half the globe away -- I don't blame you for being concerned. Does your brother know that there's a U.S. State Department warning against traveling to Indonesia? And that bird flu there is a real threat? You have an obligation to point these things out.

But if your brother is determined, please advise him to check with the State Department before he goes, visit his doctor, meet with men married to Indonesian women and fully inform himself about the country. Once he's there, I hope he insists on meeting Rena's family and visiting her place of employment and checking out any details she shared with him.

Best-case scenario: Rena is everything she says she is and has no ulterior motives. Then what? They have a zillions strikes against them.

I'm curious: Did Sam find Rena on an Asian brides Web site? There are millions of American women who are looking for partners. Life would be so much easier for him with one of them.”


Maybe it’s that I’ve been here too long, but Ms. Lavin makes Indonesia sound like a fairly suspicious place. Her tactic just might make the brother dig in and travel over to the land of terrorists and bird flu. Ms. Lavin could probably have saved herself some work, if she had just sent the sister the results of the University of Chicago survey, and told her to forward them on to her brother. If he’s looking for a good time, maybe the survey results would have sent him off in a different direction (like Austria).

The Indonesian Playboy Controversy

I've been avoiding saying something about the issue of Playboy publishing in Indonesia, but I've read and seen just about enough idiotic and hypocritical statements and actions. Today's Jakarta Post ran a story about the groups trying to get Playboy out of Indonesia. Sorry, brothers, but it's a about time that you put your energy into helping people rather than smashing up office buildings.

I'd don't read Playboy, but if I want to find pornography in Indonesia, it's easy enough to find. You can buy BFs (blue films) in the main cities in Bali, so I assume that it would be even easier to buy in Jakarta or Surabaya. How about the Internet? And the expat men trolling for young boys and girls in the major cities and tourist areas? This is not to mention the fairly sexually explicit magazines and newspapers that you can find in news stands and bookstores.

In the meantime, there are kids running around the street begging, doing street singing, washing car windows, and stealing. If the Islam Defender's Front wants to do something worthy of Islam, let them get some social programs going for these kids. Perhaps I read the Qu'ran incorrectly, but my reading tells me that no one (no human that is) has the right to tell me how to live as a Muslim. Perhaps it's time that Indonesian Muslims stood up and told these misguided gentlemen just what they could do with their time to serve the people and Allah rather than getting their names in the paper and their mugs on tv.

Forum work

I post fairly regularly on one forum and am a member of four others. Generally I just lurk on the others unless there is a topic or question that directly concerns me. I find the Bali Expat forum interesting and informative, but a bit too specialized for my interests and particulars. So I've been playing with the idea of creating yet another forum about Indonesia and Southeast Asia - to see if it will fly and generate some of the discussions and ideas that I would like to be involved in.

Right now I'm in the testing phase of how to set up the forum - that is all of the tech stuff. I have a working version at cyberbali.com/cgi/phpbb2. Stop by and see if it works for you. I'll be adding things over the next few weeks.

Return to Blogging

I just returned from a conference in Manila for international teachers and administrators. It was a great conference. I went to several workshops about blogging and have gotten excited about it again. Right now, I'm in Lombok shopping with my two oldest daughters, but I'll add something more substantial in a few days.