Sex, Indonesia, and Mail-Order Brides

The Websphere was buzzing last week with comments (see aangirfan for one take) about the global survey (29 countries, 27,500 people aged 40-80) on sexual satisfaction by University of Chicago researchers. The survey showed, among other things, that Westerners get more enjoyment out of sex than do residents of Asia. A gender gap exists as well: men across the board show a 10 point difference when rating their sexual satisfaction. Age also apparently had little impact on the feeling of sexual well-being. A comment by the lead researcher suggested that in male-dominated cultures (Indonesia being considered one - this fellow has obviously never met my wife or her friends), sexual satisfaction for women is not considered important, and thus Asian women are less satisfied than their Western counterparts. One of the reasons listed for the low ratings from Indonesia was the lack of foreplay: women just aren't having relations long enough to get satisfied.

Indonesia ranked 27th out of the 29 countries surveyed. 33.9% of the folks said that they were satisfied with their sex life. This is compared to Austria, the first ranked country, where 71% of the respondents reported satisfaction with their sex lives.

In a somewhat related story in the Chicago Tribune, Cheryl Lavin, a relationship advice columnist, ran a letter from an American woman whose brother is involved in a mail relationship with an Indonesian woman. The brother is getting ready to travel to Indonesia for the first time, and his sister wanted to know what she should do about it.

I found the reply quite interesting in the way that it perceived Indonesia, and as a subtext, Indonesian women. Ms. Lavin writes:

“Considering the differences in age, religion, nationality, race, culture and education -- and the fact that she lives half the globe away -- I don't blame you for being concerned. Does your brother know that there's a U.S. State Department warning against traveling to Indonesia? And that bird flu there is a real threat? You have an obligation to point these things out.

But if your brother is determined, please advise him to check with the State Department before he goes, visit his doctor, meet with men married to Indonesian women and fully inform himself about the country. Once he's there, I hope he insists on meeting Rena's family and visiting her place of employment and checking out any details she shared with him.

Best-case scenario: Rena is everything she says she is and has no ulterior motives. Then what? They have a zillions strikes against them.

I'm curious: Did Sam find Rena on an Asian brides Web site? There are millions of American women who are looking for partners. Life would be so much easier for him with one of them.”


Maybe it’s that I’ve been here too long, but Ms. Lavin makes Indonesia sound like a fairly suspicious place. Her tactic just might make the brother dig in and travel over to the land of terrorists and bird flu. Ms. Lavin could probably have saved herself some work, if she had just sent the sister the results of the University of Chicago survey, and told her to forward them on to her brother. If he’s looking for a good time, maybe the survey results would have sent him off in a different direction (like Austria).